Yeah so…..oh man where do I even begin with this? Coffee Stained Studios had an idea. Well, maybe less of an idea, it was actually more of a demented joke, about creating a game in which the player was a goat. Nothing more, nothing less. All of your goat related hopes and dreams would be achieved through Goat Simulator, offering the highest levels of realism and authenticity possible………then the internet got hold of this joke, and the game became a reality.

The Internet asked for it, Coffee Stain Studios were kind enough to give it to us… Result = Goat Simulator


Now it’s number one in the steam top sellers list (at the time of writing this of course).In all fairness I don’t know why I’m explaining this to you, if you’re a fan of Indie Games, or Games in general, the amount of buzz around this $6.99 maelstrom of a game has probably got your great-nan dusting off her old desktop to see if she can install steam. The game sees you playing as a Goat…….sometimes a Giraffe…….sometimes a Demonic Goat From Hell, and the only aim is to cause ruckus and chaos throughout the town.

Your character has a headbutt, a kick, a jump, a sprint, and a lick (akin to a grab button) at his disposal, and other than dedicated buttons for baa’ing, doing flips and “ragdoll mode” (which pretty much sums up the entirety of the game in two words) that’s it. No one could prepare you for the amount of chaos that ensues. For example, I will now bullet point some of the major things that happened to me within the first ten minutes of playing the game alone:

  • I summed a UFO

  • I became the King of Goats after finding the secret warp portal to Goat Kingdom

  • I dragged a man into a Combine Harvester

  • I headbutted a petrol station and caused an insane explosion

  • I found a jetpack

  • I broke up a protest

  • I glitched through the map and ended up reaching the skybox limit for height, around 5 or 6 times.

Now my favourite thing about Goat Simulator is the fact that it is a joke. The developers know it, the players know it. Therefore, the fact that I’ve included the glitches in my list of glowing accomplishments within Goat Simulator is not by mistake, the glitches and bugs are actually known as a feature of the game. Just like Lemmy Kilmister’s facial warts or the entirety of Nicholas Cages’ career, it’s those blemishes that make this product great.

So when I step on a treadmill, go flying through the air and get stuck in a tree after bouncing off an exploding car, I know that I’m supposed to laugh. I’m not supposed to be annoyed that this game isn’t an incredible feat of technical programming, and instead when my Goats head begins to spazz in every conceivable direction at the same time whenever I stand face first near a wall, that it’s all just part of the experience, part of the joke.

In all honesty, it doesn’t visually look all that bad. The audio is simple yet effective, and the gameplay is fun in its simplicity. The main aim of the game on paper is to try and complete all the objectives given to you (such as landing a perfect forwards flip or scoring a high number of points in one combo), but in reality my goal was to see how often and how badly I could break the game (you even get an achievement for causing your Goat Simulator Client to crash).

The only negative thing about the game is that I couldn’t see myself playing this game for longer than the 30 minutes that I did. I know that’s the whole point but it does just seem really empty, but hey the modding community will sort that out. I can see Goat Simulator easily becoming the new Happy Wheels………hey that gives me an idea for a game review!